You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
