Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
