I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
