Your face is a jimmy john
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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