He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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