There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
