got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
