someone threw a dead crab at me
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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