I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
