you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
