My hand turned me down
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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