This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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