my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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