Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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