I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
