he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
