Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
