Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
