The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
