he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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