Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
