Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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