i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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