Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
