He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
