I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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