Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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