went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
