she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
