I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
