AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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