end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
