Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I looked at my own cervix.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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