You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
