so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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