I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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