I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
