dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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