Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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