you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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