I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
