Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
