The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
