you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
