when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
