if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
