best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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