My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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