What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
