the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
