My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
