sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
