You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
barbara walters just said penis...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
