Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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