I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
